Twenty Pounds of Holiday Cheer

I’ve written a couple of Christmas songs. I’ve had an easier time writing about other topics; I find writing about Christmas to be tough. What else can be said about the Christmas Holidays that hasn’t been said a hundred times before? In answering that question, this unfolded:

Halloween’s barely over, still got chocolate on my chin,

Candy wrappers in my pockets, Lord, where do I begin?

I swore I’d start a diet, but that was last July,

Now I’m eyein’ up the turkey with a hungry little sigh.

One bite leads to another, and the buttons strain from bloat,

But who needs breathin’ room when there’s a gravy boat?

Twenty pounds of holiday cheer, comin’ down the line,

From the pumpkin pie marathon to the rum cake divine.

Unbutton my jeans, let the feast begin,

I’ll worry ‘bout the scale when the holidays end!

Yeah, I’m packin’ on the love, one plate at a time,

Twenty pounds of holiday cheer, and it feels so fine!

Thanksgiving turkey is just a warm-up, casseroles stacked high,

Pecan pie and cornbread, brown rice swimmin’ in butter—oh my!

Rolls so soft they melt, stuffin’ piled to the sky,

I loosen up my belt and give another helping a try.

We waddle to the table, laughin’ through the pain,

Knowin’ Christmas cookies are callin’ out my name.

Twenty pounds of holiday cheer, comin’ down the line,

From the pumpkin pie marathon to the rum cake divine.

Unbutton my jeans, let the feast begin,

I’ll worry ‘bout the scale when the holidays end!

Yeah, I’m packin’ on the love, one plate at a time,

Twenty pounds of holiday cheer, and it feels so fine!

Twelve mugs of cocoa with marshmallows on top,

Eleven candy canes I can’t make myself stop,

Ten Christmas cookies, nine peanut butter balls,

Eight chocolate pretzels, seven stuffing calls!

Six pans of fudge, five golden rolls,

Four Christmas dinners, three French hen goals,

Two turtle doves… wait, no—just one more slice of cake,

And a rum-soaked fruitcake that I’ll eat for heaven’s sake!

By New Year’s Eve I’m swayin’, twenty pounds in tow,

Resolutions on the table, but my heart says, “Hell no!”

I’ll toast to all the memories, the laughter and the cheer,

And start the diet tomorrow… or same time next year!

Twenty pounds of holiday cheer, I wear it like a crown,

From Halloween to New Year’s, I ain’t backin’ down.

Unbutton my soul, let the good times roll,

I’ll love every curve when the credits roll!

Yeah, I’m livin’ for the love, one bite at a time,

Twenty pounds of holiday cheer, and it’s all mine!

I’ll diet in January… Or maybe February…

So pass the pie, the fudge, the cake— and don’t you dare judge me!